My Grandpa

My Grandpa passed away today and it feels really strange to be far from home.  He's been sick and I guess in my head I knew that it was coming, but I never really anticipated how it would be when my mom made the call.  Part of me is glad that I am not home dealing with the stress.  I don't do well with death, it's certainly not a secret.  I have had very few people die in my life, so I have been lucky in that sense.  I actually just feel really disconnected from the whole thing, in general.  I didn't ever see him when he was sick, so my last visions and memories of him are when he looked normal and healthy.  I am happy for that, but part of me feels like I didn't really even get to say goodbye. I spoke to him a month ago, on his wedding day, which was Valentine's day.  He got married to his girlfriend of 27 years because he "wanted to make it official."  I feel like I probably should have called him more, but in the end I didn't make that happen.  I am happy that my last conversation with him was a happy one and not one that focused on him being sick or me having to say goodbye. Today I feel sad, but am happy that I am headed home in a few weeks to see my family and "deal" with all of this.